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Coming Home
Synopsis Xena, Gabrielle and Eve walk through a destroyed forest. They mention they are meeting Ares, and how they owe him a favor because he gave up his godhood to save Gabrielle and Eve. Eve, looking at the burned forest, asks, "Weren't these Amazon lands?" Gabrielle says they still are. But, "who would destroy the Amazon Forest?" The Amazons and the soldiers fight. Xena hears the sounds of battle. The three race toward the noise. The Amazons are outnumbered. Xena gives her war call. Everyone turns. Xena and Gabrielle race into battle. The Amazons rally. Everyone fights. Eve fights also, with defensive moves, not killing anyone, but certainly stopping a few fellows. She saves the Queen, Marga. Eve and another Amazon, Varia, lock eyes and exchange a look. Lots more fighting. Eve fights, also. The soldiers run away. The Amazons yell in victory. Queen Marga and Varia, who appears to be her second in command, introduce themselves to Xena and Gabrielle. When they hear the names, they know who they are. Marga greets Gabrielle as an Amazon queen. She turns to Xena. "Xena, it is said you have the power to kill gods. We have one more for you. Ares, God of War." Xena tells Gabrielle she is going to check out Ares' camp. Gabrielle says she will go to help with wounded Amazons and stuff like that. Eve goes with Gabrielle. The soldiers return to Ares. He is not happy that they were "ambushed" and pushed back with reinforcements. Ares says he wants that Amazon village. When the soldiers say, why not just blast it to smithereens, he says there isn't any fun in that. He is pretending to be a god. Back in his tent, Ares tries to kill a fly. Xena enters and laughs at him. She taunts him because he can't kill a fly. She kills the fly. Ares tells Xena he is calling in his favor. He wants his godhood back. Marga, meanwhile, tells Gabrielle she hasn't a clue as to why Ares keeps scorching her forest. Ares tells Xena he doesn't do "mortal" well. He wants the Amazon's secret stash of ambrosia, because that will give him his godhood back. His sister Artemis came to him in a dream and told him where to find the ambrosia, he says. He tells Xena to just go in and get the ambrosia. Xena says that isn't any fun. She says she wants control of Ares' army, and they'll go get those nasty Amazons. This greater good stuff gets old, she says. She tells Ares he is where he is all because he did one good deed, and was it all worth it? Xena and Ares are getting really cozy when Gabrielle comes in. She looks confused at first, but then she agrees with Xena that they should attack the Amazons. She tells Ares that he and Xena have taught her that warriors rule the world, not philosophers. Eve and Varia talk. Varia says Eve looks really familiar. She tries to make Eve fight with the Amazons, and when Eve refuses, she says Eve has to fight her. Eve walks away. Eve comes into the tent with Ares. She says she should be leading his army, not Xena. Ares says what about that path of goodness or whatever? Eve says she got over that. Xena and Gabrielle come in and tell Eve to step aside, they are in control. Ares looks very happy. Xena tells Ares that once they have the ambrosia, they should split if four ways and then they could start Olympus on earth. Ares says yeah, good idea. He leaves, and Xena, Gabrielle, and Eve change into the Three Furies. Ares goes to ready his army. Some guy brings him armor, but the Xena-trio disguised Furies appear and tell Ares he doesn't need armor. Ares talks to the Furies but the soldiers can't see them so they look really confused. Ares tells the guy to scrap the armor. Xena and Gabrielle enter Ares tent. Ares says, didn't I tell you to wait outside? Xena and Gabrielle don't know what he is talking about. Ares says the war, we're going to war, and Xena says there isn't going to be any war. Ares raves a bit more and leaves. Gabrielle says he's lost his mind. Xena says maybe he's had some help, probably from The Furies. They go outside. Ares sees the Furies, posing as Xena, Gabrielle, and Eve, and he sees the real Xena and Gabrielle. The Furies persuade Ares to give the order to "kill them all" and the army heads out for the Amazon village. Xena and Gabrielle follow the army. The army marches through a convenient canyon. Xena tosses the super chakram and causes a landslide. With the pass closed for the moment, Xena and Gabrielle head back to the Amazons to warn them of the impending attack. Eve and Varia compare battle scars. They talk about war. Eve says she doesn't miss it. Varia asks Eve to teach her some defensive moves. Eve agrees. They do some sparring, and then Varia asks Eve to show them her best move. She does this twist jump thing and when she lands, Varia pulls a sword on her. "You are Livia, the b*tch of Rome!" she cries. Xena and Gabrielle enter the village. Eve is bound at the hands and has this rope collar thing around her neck. The Amazons are taunting her. Xena tells Marga to set Eve free. She says the Amazons have to flee because they can't defeat Ares' army. Marga says Eve, as Livia, killed a lot of Amazons. Eve tells Xena she sold the Amazons she captured into slavery. Eve is taken to a hut and bound. Varia has a sword to Eve's throat when Xena comes in. Xena and Eve have a mother-daughter chat about this unforgivable action, this Amazon killing. Then Xena suddenly turns to Gabrielle and tells her how sorry she is about chopping off the top of her head with her chakram in "Motherhood." Gabrielle blames the Furies, and tells Xena she has forgiven her, and Xena should forgive herself. "I nearly lost you," Xena says, touching Gabrielle on the cheek. Ares, meanwhile, chaffs at the delay caused by the rockslide. A Xena Fury appears and tells Ares he isn't worthy of godhood. He taunted and tormented a little more. Xena comes to Ares and tells him the Furies are taunting him. Ares tells Xena she is always trying to drive him crazy. Xena says no, we just didn't want the same things. Xena does a flip out of the canyon. Ares yells, "I will kill you and all those Amazons." The Amazons ready themselves for battle. Xena tells them to retreat. Marga says they will fight, because without their land, they are no longer Amazons. She says Xena isn't to be trusted because she brought the mortal enemy (Eve) into their midst. Gabrielle tells Xena the Amazons are like lambs to the slaughter. "Not if I can help it," Xena says. The army marches on. The Amazons confront the army. Marga tells Ares he'll have to kill every last one of them. Ares pulls his sword. Xena yells. She races up on a brown horse. She knocks Ares' sword from his hands. She punches Ares. The Furies taunt Ares. He keeps yelling "shut up!" Xena says, "You're losing it. Oh, and gods don't bleed." The soldiers all mutter. Xena hops on her horse and rides off. Ares follows her. The army retreats. The Amazons rejoice. Xena rides, with Ares behind her. Gabrielle goes to Eve and frees her, they grab blankets, and Gabrielle tells Eve they need her help. They leave. Xena dismounts on a snowy ridge with an icy pool below. Ares follows her. "You ready to die, Xena?" Ares yells. "Been there, done that," Xena says. Xena throws the chakram, it misses and bounces away. Xena and Ares fight. Ares has a bloody mouth. Ares tells Xena she is mean. He says he will open her up and show people the mean inside of her. He gets in a good whack. Xena punches Ares some more. Ares hits Xena. Her mouth and nose bleed. Xena tells Ares that he might be immortal, but he will never be a man. Ares punches Xena and she falls into the icy pond. She does not come up. She goes under an ice flow. She says something unintelligible, while Ares watches her. The Furies come out of Ares head and tell him they have avenged the deaths on Olympus, and now they will rule Olympus. The chakram flies from nowhere and kills the Furies. Ares dives in the water and pulls Xena up from the icy pond. He brings her lifeless body ashore. He cries over her body. "I loved you, Xena," he wails. Gabrielle and Eve arrive. They throw blankets around Xena. Gabrielle says they have to warm her up. Gabrielle gives Xena mouth-to-mouth. Xena wakes up, with Gabrielle holding her, and Xena reaches one hand up and catches the chakram. "Good plan," Gabrielle says as Ares looks on. Ares sits on a mountain. Xena goes to him. He says mortality stinks and it hurts. Ares says that maybe as a mortal he can experience something he couldn't as a god -- Xena. They kiss. Xena tells Ares that he's always gotten to her, but "you're bad for me." Ares asks what the odds are they could get together. Xena says about one in a billion. "So there's a chance," Ares says. Xena walks away. Ares turns away, and tries to do his godly vaporizing thing. "I've got to stop trying that. I'm going to rupture something," he says, and walks off. Memorable quotes Cast * Lucy Lawless as Xena * Reneé O'Connor as Gabrielle Background information and notes * This is the first time Ares defeats Xena in a one-on-one fight. Though it only happens because Xena plans it this way to trick the Furies. * The shots of the chakram striking the rock walls to create an avalanche are recycled from A Necessary Evil. Nice to see the show being so historical an' all. Continuity and mistakes * When Xena is in the water under the ice, you can see that she has nose plugs on to stop the water from going up her nose. Disclaimer